My AMP DVD arrived. It is difficult to watch. A workshop creates a safe space for raw genuine emotion and sharing, where the participants are sharing reciprocally and everyone is in the mood. To see myself in that place now is awkward and uncomfortable. I watched 30min w/ choiceful, and I think it will take many short sessions to get through it all.

Annoying though this elimination diet is, I have lost 2-4lbs on it, and I am at one of my lowest weights in years. (Maybe because it is so annoying?). My waist is thinner than it has been in a long time. I think I might have lost the weight at Burning Man, but it has stayed off for a week of eating whenever I'm hungry (feels like I'm eating a lot) since.

I still think that I've leveled in my internal and external awareness and ability to be present.

( Cut self-development / mindfulness / etc rambling )

Somehow I didn't notice it so much in the original versions. But there are easy-to-understand white people version of Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back" (by JC) and Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit" (by Ben Folds Five), and listening to those versions, it struck me that they represent two different extremes of attitude towards women in rap.

Baby Got Back is unashamedly woman loving, beginning with "I like big butts" - a positive statement - and continuing the energy from there. The singer is obviously a player, but he's a positive, loving one - the song is all about what he likes about women:

A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
Bitches Ain't Shit, well, the title says it all, and the song continues the same theme. "Get's the fuck out after you're done", "We flip flop and serve hoes like flap jacks", etc.

Perhaps it would be a stretch to call these the Inner Game and Outer Game extremes, but there is at least some truth behind the metaphor. Baby Got Back is authentic, no posturing, just a big butt loving man reveling in himself and the world and his inability to resist lovely women. Whereas Bitches Ain't Shit is full of macho posturing by a protagonist who finds it appealing to talk about shooting an unfaithful woman:

Your girl was trickin' while you was draped in your county blues
I ain't been out a second
And already gotta do some muthafuckin chin checkin
Move up the block as we groove down the block
See my girl's house, Dre, pass the glock
Kick in the do', I look on the flo'
It's my little cousin Daz and he's fuckin' my hoe, yo
(Bitches ain't shit)
I uncocked my shit...I'm heart-broke but I'm still loc'ed
Man, fuck a bitch!
I can, to a tiny degree, understand why men become misanthropes. An outlet for frustration, anger, a backlash from their own neediness. And I can understand how Game might sometimes feed that - ending the frustration, but with dehumanizing methods that treat a woman like a video game, if you press the right buttons you can beat it.

Mystery Method recommends that you think of it like a video game, not be attached to the outcome, just try to do your best and if you get blown out, well, you have an infinite number of lives (approaches to other women) left. Attachment to process over outcome is great, it's key to poker, to life, and probably to picking up women. But only to the degree that it is genuine. If *trying* to be attached to process means repressing your genuine hurt when you get blown out...then you're going to be dis-integrated, show yourself to women as incongruous, and have problems down the road. And thinking of it like a video game just seems like such an "in your head" metaphor - doing instead of being.

I guess I've turned into a zen-spouting mystic in my old age. Or maybe I'm just channeling the AMP philosophy without having a truly nuanced and personal understanding. But "Give me a sister, I can't resist her" speaks to me far more than "Bitches ain't shit". Mad props to Mystery for his groundbreaking research, for sure, but I'm a Zan Perrion kinda guy at heart. I'd rather love women than hate them, feel equal but different, not superior, and be genuinely curious about them, rather than manipulating them. And I'd bet this attitude works better with awesome, authentic, secure women whereas The Evil One says: "Insecure hotties are often the best kinds of chicks to date. They will always strive to earn your approval while you will have to pinch yourself that it can be this easy."

Life is too short to date insecure hotties. (Note: I am not backing off on my belief that some outer game theory will work with most, perhaps all women, including secure ones. Game works, whether you believe in it or not. But I do believe that the more authentic you are, the more authentic women you will have in your life, and that's a good thing. But one can also authentically use outer game principles)

BTW, Decker recommended two outer game companies, if you want to go that route, as most compatible w/ the AMP philosophy: Juggler's Charisma Arts, and Pickup 101.

Ok, no more non-work-related LJing for the rest of the work day..

Such a long, intense weekend is so hard to journal about. Do I write tiny pieces which capture but a tiny part of my thoughts? do I write enormous rambling entries and still not really reflect the experience? The first one sounds like a way better use of my time :).

AMP was pretty awesome. Much more about therapy/coaching/helping people get in touch with their issues and emotions than about pickup, although Decker claims that this is the best way to have more/better relationships with women. Maybe he is right. Certainly seems like a better way than outer game to me. Meet women by learning artificial routines & openers, or by getting in touch with your emotions and becoming a healthier, more expressive person? Not a hard choice...

Although as willmagic & I discussed this morning, a little outer game theory still seems quite valuable. Theory (unlike memorized examples) gives you specific ideas about how to express yourself and what will work and why, while still letting your expressions be genuinely you.

I saw major transformations over the weekend in at least half of the participants. The instructors were extremely skilled at going deep fast, finding the raw edges, and using them to help people see how their methods of dealing with pain are not serving them well and get in touch with repressed (often majorly repressed) emotions. It was fascinatingly wonderful to watch the instructors work. My epiphanies and sessions were not as deep/intense as what I saw in others, but still more profound than I expected. Who knows if it will affect the rest of my life.

I was present in the moment way more over the weekend than I have ever been before. It was a lot harder to stay present on the drive home, though, so I think it had to do with the emotional intensity of the workshop making it easier to focus, as opposed to an energy that I brought to it or a permanent change. Still, I think it was a leveling in my ability to stay present in interpersonal interactions.

My interactions w/ choiceful afterwards were pretty different than usual. I dunno if she liked it or not. We'll see how it goes. I look forward with great trepidation to watching my DVD w/ her in a month (the whole workshop is taped for your future benefit).

I definitely recommend it as an intense personal growth experience, with good guys and very skilled coaches. A lot of wonderful, intense, raw, genuine moments of interaction.

There, that was short, for me, and for the experience.

In a locked post last summer, I wrote:

When I'm talking to someone I have a crush on, I focus on the interaction in the moment, rather than the vague and obscure possibility that things will progress. I find myself naturally hoping and imagining w.r.t. my crushes (since I'm human), and when I notice, I try to gently bring my attention back to the present and immediate future of my relationship with the person, focusing on enjoying the relationships I'm building rather than wishing for more.

Ironically, of course, women can smell desperation a mile off, and so *not* trying too hard will probably actually make things more likely to happen. (In other words - Buddhism is good for picking up chicks!)

And, whaddaya know, there are workshops built around the benefits of (westernized) Buddhism for picking up chicks!

(Is there a good word for westernized Buddhism? I hate to just say Buddhism, b/c there is so much more to the religion than the bits and pieces that have caught on here. Maybe "mindfulness" is the best word?)

I don't want to get too specific b/c I think it will be a better experience for others with greater mystery, but a few comments...

So far, it has almost nothing to do directly with women or pickup. It has much more in common with "The Power of Now" or "Art Of Living" (which I blogged about a lot). There's even a tinge of NVC. This is true Inner Game. Which is pretty cool, I think. Rather than teaching routines or openers or crap like the Mystery Method, they are teaching men to have better relationships / do better with women by...becoming enlightened, spiritual, whole people. I love that they are taking this deep primal urge that men have, to succeed with women, and using it to foster personal and spiritual growth. It's brilliant marketing, bringing these lessons to a population who might never encounter skills like mindfulness, yoga, or meditation otherwise, or if they did encounter them, not see a reason to put in the time.

On the other hand, I think there is value in the underlying theory of outer-game style pickup. I think I have learned important things about male-female dynamics from PUA & Deida, which Shannon & I feel have improved our relationship, at least a little bit. And others have said the same - willmagic said learning a little bit of pickup theory changed his relationships with women significantly. Building an artificial structure of interaction around that theory - lame. But adding a good theory to your worldview is a great way to grow. It's one of the easiest ways to change, I think. Becoming more mindful is really hard work, whereas interpreting the world differently due to a new theory happens automatically.

But this is a minor point, really, I'm not dissing AMP (or rather, AMP Day 1, which is all I've experienced), just saying that in my view, Inner Game only is incomplete. But way more important! Would you rather than women are drawn to you b/c you are content, whole, genuine, or because you know how to push their buttons?

Book # 37 on the list I wish I had time to write: "Pickup Theory". (Actually, that's an exaggeration, there are only a few non-fiction books that I want to write. "How to raise a smart, happy kid", "Practices For The Game Of Life", "Common Bullshit: When What Everyone Knows Just Isn't So").

Anyway, I hope & expect AMP will get a bit more into male/female dynamics today & tomorrow...

I need crash space in San Francisco next Friday & Saturday nights, as I am doing 34 hours of workshop in 2.5 days and there will not be time to drive home.

No cats, but other than that I don't think I have much in the way of requirements. Ideally not too far from the workshop location of "115 10th St, San Francisco, CA 94103"

Thanks!

looks like I may be doing the Authentic Man Program in 8 days. Fun!