Here's hoping it gets past the junk mail filter. :)

Hi Patri,

your ask seems vague.

I would make a simple short and specific ask: something like: I'm trying to build an advisory board and raise seed funding. I'd like 8 minutes of your time to orient you to the project and see if there are people who you know that I should talk or pitch to. (or ... and see if there are any opportunities for mutual benefit...)

We're building a non-profit to promote the idea and are looking for board members etc...

Come prepared to use the time well, allowing some discussion and then bow out when your time is reached. You can say *alot* in 5 minutes have 3 minutes for questions and be out in under 8 minutes. Or if they like you, the world is your oyster.

best,

Carl

I suspect that email correspondence is preferable to Larry & Sergey; however, why not throw your phone number in there, too? Something about seeing a phone number in an email (to me) grounds the email to the real world. And whether they'd use it or not, it gives them the option. Just a thought.

I like it.

You haven't explicitly asked them to do/choose anything, but the "Either way" intro to the last sentence implies that they will be choosing between one of two alternatives. I would spell out what that choice is, or drop the "Either way".

I think this version sounds too Messianic. (Mostly because of the "I have a grand vision" opener.)

1. "Hey" sounds too informal for people you've never met.
2. I would drop the "grand" from "grand vision"
3. Replace "Either way" with "Regardless"

I would open with a thank you and something nice about Google before launching right into your pitch. Just a sentence or two.

Dear Larry & Sergey,

Soon I will be leaving Google, to work as director of The Seasteading Institute.

I'm sad to be leaving Google. I feel lucky to have worked here. However, the Institute has been fortunate enough to get some funding from Peter Thiel, so that I can promote seasteading fulltime. As seasteading has been a dream of mine for much of my adult life, it's an opportunity I cannot pass up.

Our goal is to build new city-states in international waters so that people can experiment with a variety of political systems. We hope to make government less monopolistic and more competitive, with far more choice for citizens. More like the web, less like the OS industry.

You can learn more at seasteading.org, and I can be reached at patri@seasteading.org after I leave on July 29th.

Thanks for creating a company which so deeply inspired me over the last 3.5 years!

Patri

P.S. As the director of a new non-profit, I would be remiss if I didn't make the pitch for making a pitch. Would you be willing to meet with me for 15 - 30 minutes? Note that I understand if you're too busy to meet in person. Any help or guidance you may wish to provide would be most appreciated.

Edited at 2008-07-22 07:09 pm (UTC)

Yeah, I'm ambivalent about the P.S. too. My thinking is that I prefer people who are blunt about what they want (in this case, a pitch meeting).

(Normally, my reactions may not be a good guide to relations with other humans, but since Larry and Sergey are geeks too, it may be a better gauge than normal.)

On the other hand, the P.S. may make the earlier compliments (which are sincere) appear to be mere flattery. Which is why I suggested that it may make sense to send two emails -- one a thank-you, and the other a request for a meeting.

I think there's a place for P.S.'s when you have a question or point to make that isn't part of the main body of the letter. However, I agree that it may be too informal for Patri's purposes.

Yeah, I agree.

- If you want something specific from them, ask in the first sentence. (This is a general rule about asking for favors. If you ask at the end, everything you said before asking is retrospectively tainted).
- Spell "endeavor" the American way, if you're going to use the word (not recommended, reminds me of the future endeavors often mentioned in rejection letters.)

Google has about 20,000 full time employees -- people don't spam Larry and Sergey with "farewell and thanks" emails when they leave, unless maybe they know the guys, which Patri doesn't. That's why his email has to get to the real point as quickly as possible. The current draft does not make it clear what he is asking for.

I can go either way on the use of "grand".

I'd change "to go work" to "that will let me work".

Second paragraph change to "I'm sad to be leaving Google, but I think seasteading is a "Googley" goal; a way ..."

Change third paragraph to "Like you, I want to change the world. Given your own world changing experience, I'd love any advice or guidance you might want to provide. ..." [Left out help because it comes across a bit too strong a begging riff. If they like the idea and want to help, they know they've got money and/or resources to do so. Let's push the advice bit alone at first]

Fourth paragraph change "which so" to "which has so".

Other people have said this, but if you want something out of them, you really need to directly ask. Face time, money, whatever -- if you don't ask for it, you are much, much less likely to get it.

Can anyone confirm if Peter Thiel is looking to make a run for the presidency in 2012? I found this site: www.peterthiel2012.com

"'googley'" and "long-tail industry" don't mean anything to me and frankly sound kinda dumb. I presume they mean something in the Google industry/inside the Googleplex/to the Googleites/within the Googlecult?. I don't know your audience, but I do know plainspeak, and thems words ain't it.

Aren't Larry and Sergey elitist statists who feel that they should be able to govern all the little people? I mean, they hang out with statist politicians and hire many of the most powerful lobbyists. What makes you think they will be sympathetic?

Yes, seasteading is a much bigger idea than any one political system such as libertarianism.

And if he didn't reply to your message, you can always hope to run into Larry's Lexus as he drives around town.

--Beth